Since I was little, I dreamt of being a mother. I had always dreamt of having a huge family with five plus kids. As a grew older, the number change slightly but the dream stayed the same. About six months before Matt and I got married, I got baby fever bad. And I mean BAD. I wanted kids NOW!
As soon as my baby fever hit, I started paying attention to my body more. That's when I noticed something might not be right. I hadn't had my period yet. Was I pregnant?? I immediately bought a pregnancy test and took it. It was negative. I went to the doctor to see if something else could be wrong with me. The doctor dismissed it by saying I was just extremely stressed out from planning a wedding and the stress was causing me to not get my period. I believed that to be a logical answer and decided to not worry to much about it.
Months passed and I still never got my period. Our July wedding day came and went and by August, I had finally got my period after eight months!! I believed that my doctor had been right. I had been just too stressed to get my period. Matt and I decided to start trying for a baby. After three months of trying, we were pregnant!! We were both extremely excited to be starting a family!!
On July 15, 2008, we were blessed with our amazing son, Layne Matthew. I was in heaven!! I was so extremely happy to have been blessed with my son Layne. By the time Layne was about 5 months old, I began asking Matt when we should start trying for another child. (We both had agreed that we wanted our children to be close in age.) We decided to start trying again for our second child a month later. That was in January 2009. Matt and I both thought it wouldn't take us very long to get pregnant again. We were both wrong.
Two months into trying for our 2nd child, I stopped having my period. I thought that I must be stressed again and tried everything to relax and ease my stress. For the next ten months I got my period three times. In December 2009, I made any appointment with an ob/gyn to get checked out. Sadly I couldn't be seen until March 2010.
I was nervous to see my doctor the day of the appointment. I just knew that something else had to be wrong with me. It couldn't be stress that was causing me to not have my period. I talked with my doctor and she decided to run some blood work tests to figure out what was going on. She didn't believe that stress was causing all of this.
After my blood work came back, we finally found the problem. My hormone levels were screwed up and that I had PCOS. I was so glad to finally know what was wrong with me. The doctor explained to me my options and started me on clomid. After taking clomid for six months and three dosage changes, nothing had happened yet. I wasn't pregnant. Back to the doctor's office I went. She decided to put me on Femara. My doctor told me that she had had good luck with Femara and that is how she had conceived all three of her kids. I took the Femara as for one month that's all it took. I was pregnant again!!
We told our parents over Christmas that Layne was going to be a big brother. Everyone was excited. Shortly after we had announced the news of our pregnancy, I started spotting. I immediately called me doctor because I was convinced something was wrong. The doctor saw me a couple days before my scheduled appointment and did an ultrasound. Everything was fine but the doctor told me to take it easy for a little while. The spotting eventually stopped. A week before I was to hit the 12 week mark, I started spotting again. This time it was a little different because it was heavier than the previous time. I immediately called the doctor again. The nurse assured me that nothing was wrong and that I could wait to be seen the following week at my scheduled appointment. I knew in the back of my mind that something was wrong. I ended up calling back and demanding that I be seen by someone in the doctors office. Matt and I headed straight for the doctor's office.
We sat in silence most of the ride there. I was so worried that something was wrong with my baby. The wait to see the doctor was excruitating. After waiting about 20 minutes to be seen, it was finally my turn. The doctor went over my symptoms with me and wanted to check for a heartbeat. She couldn't find it but assured me that that happens alot and sent me to have an ultrasound done. The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound but wouldn't tell me what was going on. I ended up flat out asking and that's when my worst fears were confirmed.
My baby didn't have a heartbeat.
We were devastated. I don't really remember much after that besides a lot of crying going on. I couldn't believe that after waiting for so long that it was all done and over with. I had a rough miscarriage. I ended up in the ER because I was losing a lot of blood. Thankfully the doctors and nurses got it under control.
A couple of months later we started trying again with the same medicine. I ended up getting pregnant again but about three days after taking a pregnancy test I had another miscarriage. We decided to stop trying for a while. I was way to emotional and need some time to think about everything.
This past spring, we made the decision to start trying again. I'm hoping that things will work out better and that we can expand our family. Our struggle with infertility has really made me realize to not take anything for granted and that everything is a blessing. I believe that everything that has happened has made me a stronger person. I just hope that our prayers will be answered and we can expand our family!!
